The Monkey's Paw

[drawmesunshine]

Splork granted! But you can only enjoy the .08% that's finished

I splork I smelled like basil all the time.

 

[OCisbestungulate]

Granted! You have become part of a most lovey pasta dinner! Sadly, the person forgot to prepare it properly and now you're frozen to a table.

I wish I was a spooky skeleton.

 

[Altashi]

Splork not granted, you were always a spooky skeleton deep down inside you.

I splork for a new hat for my headcrab's headcrab.

 

[OCisbestungulate]

Granted! Much to the surprise of the headcrab that rests upon your headcrab, the headcrab under it turns around and crawls upon it, thus turning it into a hat for the former headcrab-hat.

I splork for a fork.

 

[DungeonMiner]

Splork granted! Even better, it's part spoon! Enjoy your splorked for spork!

I splork for the ability to say incredibly witty puns on a whim.

 

[Altashi]

Splork granted, your puns are so witty and numerous that everyone now expects everything you say to be just that. Anything else will result in absolute shame, and all will come to despise you.

I splork for another new hat. My headcrabs are obviously getting weird.

 

[Cosmix360]

Splork granted, your new hat represents your least favorite sports team.

I wish I were a grammar nazi. For what I reason I have no idea. : P

 

[DungeonMiner]

Splork granted! You now hate yourself for all of your previously grammatically incorrect posts!

I splork that my muse wasn't on vacation and would show up already.

 

[Cinnamaldehyde]

Splork granted, your muse comes back in a casket.

I wish Altashi would stop wishing/splorking for hats

 

[Askerad]

Wish granted, but now he's wishing for socks.

I wish for some love.

 

[Naughta_Noob]

Wish granted, but...https://data.desustorage.org/Lawyer Friendly Equines/image/1442/94/1442945160414.png
I wish I could make video games

 

[Cinnamaldehyde]

Wish granted, but they all get a CnD right before they are finished.

I wish I had more supportive friends.

 

[drawmesunshine]

Splork granted! But you must use them to CONSTRUCT ADDITIONAL PYLONS!

I splork for a pair of light up shoes

 

[Altashi]

Splork granted, your shoes light fires as you walk.

I splork for some new socks for me and my headcrabs.

 

[DungeonMiner]

Splork Granted! Unfortunately, they've taken to wearing them on their heads.

I splork of MLG TF2 skills.

 

[Askerad]

Granted, but you're now the last one playing this game, as everyone switched to overwatch.

I wish that pom gets even cuter.

 

[Hacchi]

Granted, but she's TOO cute and ends up destroying the world by distracting everyone and having them not work.

I wish for an iced tea

 

[Cinnamaldehyde]

wish granted, but it is just some dried leaves suspended in a block of ice

I wish I wasn't sick anymore.

 

[DungeonMiner]

Granted, you are dead.

I splork that I had amazing GM-ing skills.

 

[Askerad]

Granted, you have Master-level Gay Masturbation skills.

I wish for a portal that leads to Foenum

 

[Cinnamaldehyde]

Wish granted, but being the only human you are shunned by all of Foenum's inhabitants.

I wish that these forums would recognize my e-mail as being the one I used to back the game so I could have that little banner under my name.

 

[drawmesunshine]

Splork kinda granted. There's a thread for that if you haven't seen it yet.

I splork I had room for more hobbies in my life.

 

[DungeonMiner]

Granted! You are now a Warhammer Fantasy wargammer. The bad news? Age of Sigmar.

I wish I didn't have to try to get good grades.

 

[Cinnamaldehyde]

Wish granted, you are kicked out of your school.

I wish I had some people to play test a game I'm working on.

 

[drawmesunshine]

Wish granted! I volunteer! But I don't have a PC

I wish this snow would melt.

 

[Altashi]

Splork granted, the snow melts, along with the rest of the world.

I splork for extra socks.

 

[Hacchi]

Wish denied, this is the DELUXE Monkey Paw, you already have infinite wishes

I wish to go to the festival

 

[bibliogeek]

Wish granted, you go to the Festival of Death as a human sacrifice and die painfully.

I wish I could read minds.

 

[Altashi]

Splork granted, but they're all in some indecipherable language.

Wish denied, this is the DELUXE Monkey Paw, you already have infinite wishes

I wish to go to the festival

I splorked for socks, not more splorks.

I splork for extra SOCKS.

 

[bibliogeek]

Wish granted. Your socks are full of holes, and smell worse than a gym lockerroom.

I wish I could fly.

 

[DungeonMiner]

Wish Granted! It's just a matter of throwing yourself at the ground, and missing!

I wish my modded Skyrim wouldn't crash.

 

[Firekirby]

Wish granted. It burns instead.

I wish there was more time in the day to do all the things I want to do.

 

[Cinnamaldehyde]

Wish granted, the earth stops rotating at high noon where ever it is that you live, the sun never goes down.

I wish 16 bit graphics would come back.

 

[Naughta_Noob]

Wish granted, there's now a gun trained on your head and it will fire if you play anything other than SNES games.

I wish I had access to a good internet connection.

 

[DungeonMiner]

Granted! You now have the best connected dialup in the country!

I wish that writer's block could leave me alone.

 

[CactusPearGamer]

Granted.
You find inspiration in Shia LeBouf, and decide to spend your time spreading his wisdom to the world.
The world tunes you out.

I wish I knew Spanish or something.

 

[Hacchi]

Granted, you now know Something!

I wish I had a peryton

 

[DungeonMiner]

...Why?

Okay, granted. You have a Peryton. It does exactly what'd you expect it to do. To you. Painfully.

I wish that Peryton doesn't come my way.

 

[Firekirby]

...Why?

Okay, granted. You have a Peryton. It does exactly what'd you expect it to do. To you. Painfully.

I wish that Peryton doesn't come my way.

Granted. That particular Peryton comes nowhere near you. The other few it was travelling with, however...

I wish I could communicate with animals.

 

[Cinnamaldehyde]

Wish granted, but only over the internet.

I wish that daytime television didn't suck.