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My Favorite Game Is S**t

Discussion in 'General Gaming' started by PixelGrip94, Feb 14, 2016.

  1. OCisbestungulate

    OCisbestungulate Always watching you
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    Okay, so, I played this one game. And first off, it CLAIMS to be an RPG. But apparently THERE'S NO CENTRAL STORY. Instead, some genius decided that rather then have a central story line, you'd have to pick from like 5 or 6 different main characters. There was like this dude with spiky blue hair, some chick with like blue or purple hair, a robot I think, and come racoon lookin' thing I don't know. They all looked really bad and they were all sitting around this dumb lake/fountain/water something. So, whatever. I pick the spiky blue one 'cause he was doing karate chops or some dumb thing. And like, the game starts, and there's no name screen or anything like that. I can't even name myself. Whatever. So, like, I'm in this car with what I'm guessing is by dad, talking about this crazy dude when all of a sudden this big blue thing lands on it and apparently kills my dad but not me. So, like, I guess I decided to walk home or something? I don't know, all I know is next thing I know I'm walking up to this mansion that's on fire and this dude (who's totally Not-Shredder) is standing in front of it with a bunch of puddies from Power Rangers talking about how he like, took my mom's and sister's (I have a mom and sister?) brains or something? Whatever. So I fight the guy and he straight-up murders me (it was one of THOSE fights. You know the kind), and then, at the last second, a Super Hero jumps in to save me. I kid you not. And then, he freaking turns me into one! WHAT THE FREAK? Whatever. So, I'm like, screw this, I'm picking someone else.

    So I pick the chick with purple hair. And like, things get weird right off the bat. Apparently I start in like this vampire/elf/Versailles castle like-thing that has freaking roses every freaking where. And then there are like all of these nobles who are talking all cryptic like and teleporting all over the place, and apparently the head guy had like these spinning things attached to his head? Whatever. I get freaking lost in not-Versailles, and end up in this freakin flower garden where I get stabbed through the chest, but somehow survive because apparently I have purple blood or some dumb thing like that. Whatever. It was stupid. So I reset and figured I'd pick one last guy.

    So I picked the robot. First off, this thing looked really bad. But whatever. So, it starts off all cryptic in a spaceship? It crashes or something and the next thing I know I see this kid digging through piles of rusty machinery (good idea, PARENTS, just let your kid dig through rusty metal!) and I'm guessing he finds me? I guess? And apparently brings me to his ... Uncle Taco ... who is apparently an ... octopus. I CAN'T MAKE THIS STUFF UP. And apparently this octo-uncle (I should point out that the kid who I'm guessing found me was, or at least looked, human), built me. So he asks the kid what he's gonna call me, and then guess what? NAMING SCREEN! OH GOODY, I FINALLY GET TO NAME MYSELF. So I name myself THIS GAME IS DUMB, except that it didn't have enough room so it came out as THIS GAM.

    And don't even get me started on the combat system. Apparently it's got this combo system? But it never tells you about it? It just kinda happens, a lot. I don't know. Yeah, this game was pretty freaking trash. I tossed it out and got a real game. Specifically I picked up FF7 'cause it came out around the same time, and was made by the same company.

    So, yeah. -5/10, would never touch again, except to set on fire.

    SaGa Frontier for the PSX
     
  2. Leatherface

    Leatherface Backers' Beta Tester
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    Man spends 3 months protecting a 9-year old girl in the zombie apocalypse, only to get get infected in the end and leave her surrounded by zombies.
     
  3. Proxyvirus

    Proxyvirus That Dragonshy Person
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    Dead rising 2 ( Does that happens? :< )

    The fighters in this game show no mercy, and neither do you. You raise hell as you beat the shit out of any thugs that crosses your path to find the kidnapped member; why? cause you were hired for it.
     
  4. RustleRustle

    RustleRustle Sentinel Titan, Fireteam "Hold My Beer, Guardian"

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    There's this multiplayer-only FPS that doesn't bother with story. Sure, there's a campaign, but people usually ignore it and jump into TDM.
    So you're this super soldier with a jetpack and extensive knowledge of parkour, and you fight as a member of the local militia, or a mining mega-corp that for some reason has access to military hardware. Don't ask if you can choose, 'cause you can't. It's random.
    Anyway, you can deploy giant robots on the map that you can pilot or let fight for you. You also have cards you can use that gives you a number of useful things.

    It's a good game now, and its DLC is free, but when it first came out, it had six gamemodes. Six. And it didn't have private lobbies.
    Shame, would've been nice if it released with all of that, but the publisher decided ME WANT MONEY NOW.
     
  5. Whitetail

    Whitetail Mane6 Dev
    Mane6 Developer

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    I honestly thought this was Splatoon until like halfway in
     
  6. RustleRustle

    RustleRustle Sentinel Titan, Fireteam "Hold My Beer, Guardian"

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    Here, I'll give the answer.
    [​IMG]
    I legitimately like this game though. Combat and movement is smooth as butter.
     
  7. TigerKirby215

    TigerKirby215 I should be doing work right now
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    A game where your put on a team with 4 morons who generally don't speak your language, and will always flip their shit whenever you request anything that may help lead your team to victory, do something poorly, do something well, or do something in general, or heck, even if you don't do anything. And while you desperately mash buttons as if you're trying to play this on your keyboard, the rest of your team is content to never do anything right, even though it's literally as simple as simple as right-clicking something, and then make up some dumb excuse for why they did so poorly like "I lost interest because you sound like a girl." By the way I'm not kidding that actually :bark::bark::bark::bark:ing happened to me. (Don't click if you want to keep guessing)
    And while the rest of your team is faffing about, clicking on NPC units even though killing players is way more rewarding, you get killed by the entire enemy team over and over again, because even though you blow all your spare cash on having a tiny bit of insight into where the enemy is, you can't do jack because your entire :bark::bark::bark::bark:ing team is on the opposite side of the damn map, losing all their cash as they die AGAIN...

    DOTA 2
    It's not a game of skill. It's a game of lack of skill.
    The team with the least morons wins.

    And I love it.
    [​IMG]
     
  8. Saki

    Saki Spirit of a Pro Gamer
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    Press buttons in a predetermined order and make sure your character is standing juuuuuuust right to let you win. The inputs are infuriating online because you can't move your stick and buttons with the lang, and when you win, the other guy ragequits and you get nothing.
     
  9. Whitetail

    Whitetail Mane6 Dev
    Mane6 Developer

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    Moba players are so aggressive over the littlest things they make approaching the games near impossible. I was hoping the jump to like... actual full games now and not just mods for other things would help open it up to more people but even though the playerbase is bigger the aggression is no lighter than the wc3 days where you couldn't find a single game hosted that didn't read something like "_____ Allstars - Banlist - No Noobs - No homophobicslurhere"
     
  10. TigerKirby215

    TigerKirby215 I should be doing work right now
    Crowdfund Backer

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    >Skullgirls online play [​IMG]
     
  11. BypenThynDragon

    BypenThynDragon I for one welcom our new ruler Smugdeer
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    Play as a lord/avatar/both in a realm of many characters to ship and weapons that break really easily. As you fight against the forces of evil and some dragons or something. Watch as your shipped character's kids come from the future/ alternant dimensions. Also almost every main character's hear in the games are blue. Get ready to fight for your friends as you constantly restart the levels so that they don't die, over and over again.

    Did I menshin that you can turn into a killer bunny rabbit/fox/dragon/etc.. (depends on game).
     
  12. PixelGrip94

    PixelGrip94 Games, Movies, Music, & Ponies!
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    You endlessly walk around a post-apocalyptic world with some teenage girl (who looks like a famous actress who doesn't star in this game) and have multiple conversations with her while she simultaneously gets in the way during an encounter with enemies, essentially screwing up your stealth kills by blocking your path when you try to hide from enemies before they see you.

    The Last of Us
     
  13. Proxyvirus

    Proxyvirus That Dragonshy Person
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    Part of me wanted to answer with Resident Evil 3 til the whole stealth part XP
     
  14. Sir Zabblepants

    Sir Zabblepants It's not easy being cheesy
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    It's based of some television show where people play children's card games against a flashing background that gives Japanese kids seizures.
     
  15. Oreo

    Oreo Keepin' It Stylish
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    A game so unplayably difficult that they had to re-release it, then added on-disc DLC so they could charge you again for it. Likely to cause carpal tunnel.
     
  16. CountParadox

    CountParadox Is the answer to this question no?
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    You fall down a hole and hippie-hug a bunch of enemies until you get to go home. Or, alternatively, you can kill everything and have your butt handed to you by the weakest enemy in the game at the end.
     
  17. BypenThynDragon

    BypenThynDragon I for one welcom our new ruler Smugdeer
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    obviously Undertale
    but it is one of the best games ever.
     
  18. BypenThynDragon

    BypenThynDragon I for one welcom our new ruler Smugdeer
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    Just realized this is Pokémon
    Ha I think I got it Go Fish!
     
  19. CountParadox

    CountParadox Is the answer to this question no?
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    Indeed it is. XD
     
  20. BypenThynDragon

    BypenThynDragon I for one welcom our new ruler Smugdeer
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    Yes I win :D
     
  21. Invader TAK

    Invader TAK Master of Random
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    Sounds like Dark Souls.
     
  22. Oreo

    Oreo Keepin' It Stylish
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    Nope!
     
  23. Aardvark

    Aardvark Armadillo?
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    So the entire game is this one super annoying escort mission where you have to keep this really pale chick from being dragged to hell, which happens whenever you leave her alone. Not only that, your best weapon to protect this super needy girl is the equivalent of a stick, despite the fact that the character you're playing as has horns or some crap, so could probably just headbutt the bastards doing the dragging.

    Not my favourite game from these guys, but somebody has already done that one.
     
  24. fah_q2

    fah_q2 Just some guy
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    Devil May Cry 3?
     
  25. Rich Jammer

    Rich Jammer By the Numbers Accountant
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    This is Ico isn't it?
     
  26. Aardvark

    Aardvark Armadillo?
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    Right you are, Rich.

    This is fun so I'll do another, I think.

    So the game starts and you're this girl who's just looking at a body, her emotions might have crashed though because she doesn't seem to respond to the dead man right in front of her, she just takes the bloody blade from him like its some kind of RPG and moves on. The combat is some weird-ass fusion of turn-based strategy and action combat that thinks that a person can't have enough memory to queue up more than 3 or 4 actions, although since the main character is mute, she might just be mentally handicapped enough only to remember that much, maybe that's why there's someone who's constantly reminding her what to do and acting as a narrator/giver of exposition at the same time. The in-game lore is obnoxious to access as the game forces you to use the people you collect in every possible attack slot in order to process their information enough to read. I think the game designer's were just spreading a message about how colours are terrible, since everything's completely white by the end of the game anyway.

    I love this one. Way better than their first game if you ask me.
     
  27. Oreo

    Oreo Keepin' It Stylish
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    Yup! You got it.
     
  28. fah_q2

    fah_q2 Just some guy
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    I remember my brother bought the original game on its released day and he went straight to hard mode for our first playthrough. We ended up getting kill a lot on the second mission, mostly from the Grim Reaper.
     
    Oreo likes this.
  29. Rich Jammer

    Rich Jammer By the Numbers Accountant
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    A game series named after something you wouldn't want to get on your clean shirt.
    The whole point is to get a lesser time than other people as you go through the stage while someone gives you directions. Unfortunately if you go too fast you'll most likely crash and burn.
     
  30. CrazyBob05

    CrazyBob05 Well-Known Member

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    So this PC game gives you a top-down look and it's supposed to be about a galactic war between humans, the vaguely humanlike things with no mouths and glowing eyes, and some generic insectoids. It's SUPPOSED to be about war but most of the game you find yourself doing city building instead.

    Similar PC game, a hypothetical world war that happens because some crazy mad scientist screws around with time travel and kills Hitler before he comes into power. Once again SUPPOSED to be about war but city building happens.

    Another similar PC game, my childhood is filled with these, a futuristic war about 2 robotic armies that apparently have fought for so long they don't don't even know why they're fighting anymore other than they hate each other.

    So apparently the world went to s**t because some giant orb thingy decided to stay and now it's enemies have all come after it. The player has apparently been dead for hundreds of years and is brought back to life by a lightbulb made by this giant orb. Fun times.

    Some whiney blonde kid poses as a feared bounty hunter and gets recruited by a bunch of space pirates off his sandy hellhole homeworld. This game's dialogue gets super cheesy.

    There's a guy with long black hair, he runs into a princess with short pink hair while chasing down some thief. Stupid s**t happens. There's a dog who fights with a knife in his mouth, a kid using a hammer that's bigger than he is, a cranky lolita, a shifty old man in a duster, and a hot scantily-clad elf chick.
     
  31. Laurel Crown

    Laurel Crown Leader of the Proud Nation of Velvetia
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    You're a bald white skinned dude with chained swords who travels in the far regions of a well-known historic country and going into an endless killing spree.
     
  32. Rich Jammer

    Rich Jammer By the Numbers Accountant
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    Star Craft?

    Command and Conquer: Red Alert?

    Destiny?

    God of War?
     
  33. Killer Beast

    Killer Beast Kept you waiting, huh?
    Backers' Beta Tester

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    Right, let's do this. Starcraft.

    Command & Conquer: Red Alert

    Umm... Z?

    Destiny! Get your story on the next 10 DLCs!

    Don't know, actually!

    Don't know, again.
     
  34. Rich Jammer

    Rich Jammer By the Numbers Accountant
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    Wait, are you talking about the DMC Trilogy HD release? It has on-disc DLC?
     
  35. Oreo

    Oreo Keepin' It Stylish
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    Devil May Cry 3 was originally released as Devil May Cry 3: Dante's Awakening. The North American release was more difficult than the Japanese release and received some criticism for it. Devil May Cry 3: Special Edition was released, which added extra difficulties and balanced existing ones, but allowed for Vergil to be playable and added the Bloody Palace game mode. So that's additional content that was on the disc. Which could loosely be defined as on-disc DLC.
     
  36. Avering

    Avering Pew-Pew
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    FF7? In that case you forgot that the boss is also a whiney kid with mother-complex who also looks like some japanese mutated abomination during his later boss fight.
     
    #156 Avering, Apr 12, 2016
    Last edited: Apr 13, 2016
  37. V.A.a.M.P.P

    V.A.a.M.P.P The Man that had a plan but forgot it
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    So in this game you try taking a vacation from work after years of no off days with your girlfriend and some old dude only to be stopped by the local police and taken to prison once you arrive. Now you are put on trial for commenting a crime to the island that you never did, but the only lead they had was a picture that looks like you, so now you are court ordered to clean up the entire island if you want to go back home. Also your girlfriend gets kidnapped by the impersonator.
     
  38. Killer Beast

    Killer Beast Kept you waiting, huh?
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    Holy shit, I think I know this one. I thought for a second that it sounds pretty strange, but it's Tales of Monkey Island, isn't it? This thing is more difficult than it looks. Most comments I've seen seem to be taking the "obscure way of explaining", rather than "making a game sound crap".
     
  39. V.A.a.M.P.P

    V.A.a.M.P.P The Man that had a plan but forgot it
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    Sorry bro, but it ain't that, wanna try again?
     
  40. $Bison

    $Bison Well-Known Member

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    Super Mario Sunshine?
    Rogue Galaxy?