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My Favorite Game Is S**t

PixelGrip94

Games, Movies, Music, & Ponies!
Backers' Beta Tester
Feb 3, 2016
152
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Yay, another opinion thread! Because I haven't made enough of those yet! I got this from a picture someone posted on twitter and thought it'd be fun to do here.

The rules are simple: Describe your favorite game and make it sound as s****y as possible. You can name the game at the end if you want, but where's the fun in that?

Per usual, I'll go first.

An impractically dressed, spiky haired 14 year old travels with talking animals and uses a giant key to destroy black hunks of mass and lock secret doors while looking for his emo friend and his useless girlfriend.
 
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Solvandus

Chin Piece
Backers' Beta Tester
Feb 3, 2016
44
41
Obnoxious orange marsupial with pants and shoes jogs his way through many landscapes, attacking wildlife by spinning like the Tasmanian Devil. His rival has a giant N on his forehead.

A dopey young man, snarky bratty little sidekick and klutzy blonde girl set out on a quest to heal the dying land... by praying at various temples and having the girl become an angel.

Date a skeleton! Date a fish! Date a dinosaur! Write an essay about a robot. Or just kill them. This one was inevitable.
 

Sir Zabblepants

It's not easy being cheesy
Crowdfund Backer
Feb 3, 2016
22
19
Just some sci-fi FPS. The first 30 minutes is mostly exposition, and from these timewasting physics puzzles that a third grader could solve scattered about, you can tell they were really keen on showing off that you can lift things and put them down. You know, like you could in Mario 64. The enemy variance ranges from run of the mill future-nazi bots and their tanks shooting at you to a bunch of cool-looking aliens... who's general method of attack is melee. But here's the worst part of all: The story ends on a cliffhanger which is only resolved in a separate DLC campaign. This DLC? It also ends on a cliffhanger to get you keen on paying for this game a third time. So you get the next one, go through it, and guess what? Another cliffhanger!

Here's the kicker: They never resolved that one. Didn't even bother to be straight about it and say they cancelled. There's just been an endless stream of "It's coming. Maybe." since 2007, which has lately just degraded into this awkward silence as they opt to manage a DRM venture they kicked off instead.
 

Zeropoint

Crowdfund Backer
Crowdfund Backer
Feb 3, 2016
30
14
Oregon
Squares fall and you shuffle them around until you lose . . . and you ALWAYS lose.

Oh, and:

Attempt to build a functional society out of violent alcoholics . . . and you ALWAYS lose.
 
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Galaxy Heart

Caffeine-Based Life Form
Backers' Beta Tester
Feb 3, 2016
63
46
26
Down the ne'er-do-well.
There are regular people and augmented people. The augmented people are a lot stronger than the not augmented people and most of them are evil, but one is neutral.
Main enemies are a guy called "That Man" and people named after February the 14th.
 
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Szkieletor

Ngasta! Kvata! Kvakis!
Crowdfund Backer
Feb 3, 2016
20
10
#1: Half the game is learning history from books and the other half is missing in combat because you didn't min-max when creating a character and now your attack is shit and you can't level it up since you can't hit anything. Also pterodactyls. Screeching and annoying and freaking everywhere.

#2: You're supposed to be bringing balance to the Solar System, but instead you're just searching through everyone's pockets for crafting materials and complaining about RNG, while some guy in a blue outfit keeps yelling the same insults at you as the last 30 times you played that mission. You can also play easy mode and just keep pressing 3 repeatedly for 40 minutes to search the pockets twice. Don't worry, you're not getting that drop anyway so might as well take our your wallet and pay up already.
 
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Verdgilion

This dog was trained to kill
Backers' Beta Tester
Feb 12, 2016
5
0
You are playing, basically, as lowest class citizen and nobody wants you to be around. Because of that, you end up locked in a cell, for who knows how long, until some pretty cool guy gives you a key from your cell.
Quess what? Next time you see him, he is almost dead. He gives you some stuff and dies. By the way, every single "pretty cool guy" will die, so you better get used to it.
Did I mention, what to get out of prison you need to defeat some fat and ugly demon what several times bigger than you? Don't worry, after it dies, you will never see it again... Except you will, because that boss will be re-used twice. That's if you good enough, this game is pretty hard.

Also you can level up your character. And put a load of points in stat, what will do (almost) asolutely nothing and it will be like you didn't leveled up at all.
 

Shadow of Death

Grushdeva Du Kalt Misht
Backers' Beta Tester
Feb 3, 2016
276
200
steamcommunity.com
You play a spoiled deposed prince character because he overslept and missed his chance to rule when his father died. Your second in command almost certainly has plans to kill you and rule in your place because even she doesn't respect you and says as much. In order to gain 'respect' you go around beating everyone up until they're forced to acquiesce to your rule.

An impractically dressed, spiky haired 14 year old travels with talking animals and uses a giant key to destroy black hunks of mass and lock secret doors while looking for his emo friend and his useless girlfriend.
Didn't need the key stuff or 'black hunks of mass' to know what you were talking about XD
 
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drawmesunshine

Knitting fever
Backers' Beta Tester
Feb 4, 2016
29
36
Planet Neighmek
Your world was nearly blown to bits by an angry wizard guy and his gigantic monster pet-thing, but it's almost saved by a good wizard guy who gives you a glove. Instead of the whole world blowing up, all the pieces of all the villages are scattered into enormous dungeons. You have to go into the dungeons and touch a bunch of balls and eat a bunch of bread and drink a bunch of water and find all the pieces of each village, and there's like, a bunch of villages. Then all the villagers, instead of being grateful to you for putting their houses back together, complain about which side of their house faces the sunrise and crap. You do make a bunch of friends, though. There's an annoying cat girl, a dude with a mini helicopter and a gun which is pretty cool, some guy with a knife on a stick, a lady with magic powers, and a fat kid.
 

Lazengann

An experiment in the depths of self-loathing
Crowdfund Backer
Feb 3, 2016
7
2
Sietch Tabr
A massive bait and switch. Replaces cool heroic man with a weirdo twink 1 hour in. You get to battle a stripping gay vampire, a roller skating obese male and an angsty suicidal lady. In the end none of the story happened. Except it might of. Maybe.
 

Stars

Just a Guy
Backers' Beta Tester
Feb 3, 2016
229
171
33
Kansas
A bee from the future tells a preteen he has to stop an evil guy from taking over the world in the future...by going into the past? Also his fat, annoying neighbor is helping the bad guy for some reason. Probably because he's a jerk. First, however, the kid has to wander through multiple cities and wastelands - inevitably contracting multiple diseases along the way - to learn a song that makes him not have nightmares. Along the way he is joined by a girl with a frying pan, a nerd with a protractor, and an Asian who hates pizza.
 
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Gamerdude854

Pizza Pasta
Crowdfund Backer
Feb 7, 2016
235
69
Canada
Here's a few:
Nerdy scientist takes out Aliens and Marines with a crowbar to save the facility he works at, all while not saying a single word.

Plumber get sent to a castle where the paintings are warps to another world, while in this castle the plumber must collect a certain amount of shiny objects, save a princess and defeat an evil king. And what does he get in the end for going through all of this?...Cake.

You play as a large green man fighting his inner green man while also fighting the army, other green men and large mechs.
 

Regretfulspark

If it runs on batteries I'll see it!! (づ。◕‿‿◕。)づ
Crowdfund Backer
Feb 16, 2016
23
11
USA
www.ironponymercs.com
Is it sad I only got 3 of these figured out =o? Specifically Gamerdude854's and solvandus's examples... Well, except for this one

You play as a large green man fighting his inner green man while also fighting the army, other green men and large mechs.

Here's mine: You're some preteen who decides to leave your home, school, and family just to make animals fight with each other for fun and money. (Damn this sounds dark when you put it that way)

It's Pokemon by the way ;)
 
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Gamerdude854

Pizza Pasta
Crowdfund Backer
Feb 7, 2016
235
69
Canada
Is it sad I only got 3 of these figured out =o? Specifically Gamerdude854's and solvandus's examples... Well, except for this one




Here's mine: You're some preteen who decides to leave your home, school, and family just to make animals fight with each other for fun and money. (Damn this sounds dark when you put it that way)

It's Pokemon by the way ;)
The one you couldn't guess is Hulk Ultimate Destruction by the way
 
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Regretfulspark

If it runs on batteries I'll see it!! (づ。◕‿‿◕。)づ
Crowdfund Backer
Feb 16, 2016
23
11
USA
www.ironponymercs.com
The one you couldn't guess is Hulk Ultimate Destruction by the way
*facepalm* Of course! It was so obvious ahaha. God I feel dumb.

Here's another since I'm already here:
You and your friend go out to some evil people's island for giggles. Your friend falls into some pit with dark goo and he turns into some kind of orange furry thing as a result. Also, you're mute.
 
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Shadow of Death

Grushdeva Du Kalt Misht
Backers' Beta Tester
Feb 3, 2016
276
200
steamcommunity.com
Here's another since I'm already here:
You and your friend go out to some evil people's island for giggles. Your friend falls into some pit with dark goo and he turns into some kind of orange furry thing as a result. Also, you're mute.
The answer is:

The very first PS2 game I bought. Really wowed me back in the day.

EDIT: Huh, it seems the Spoiler tag is broken somehow. It just makes the text completely disappear, even trying to highlight it won't reveal it....Weird bug.
 
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Naughta_Noob

"I mustn't betray spoon"
Backers' Beta Tester
An evil wizard guy fails to destroy a kingdom, somehow lives to exact his revenge a century later by taking the souls of villagers and reviving the dead. He accidentally revives the worthless captain of the guard who goes on a quest solving take-key-to-door puzzles and stiff combat to stop the wizard from his campaign to unleash demons drawn by 4th graders while constantly oozing stinky green airborne ooze. (BTW, the hero skeleton is the one responsible for unleashing said demons because the exit to the forest is behind the evil tomb)

 
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Regretfulspark

If it runs on batteries I'll see it!! (づ。◕‿‿◕。)づ
Crowdfund Backer
Feb 16, 2016
23
11
USA
www.ironponymercs.com
The answer is:

The very first PS2 game I bought. Really wowed me back in the day.

EDIT: Huh, it seems the Spoiler tag is broken somehow. It just makes the text completely disappear, even trying to highlight it won't reveal it....Weird bug.
OMG it was my first PS2 game as well! So many hours wasted after school trying to beat the damn game! ( I didn't have a memory card at the time D= !) I've enjoyed that and all the other installments (except for the Lost Frontier...We don't talk about that one...)

Edit: Have you tried using the BB code Shortcuts on the top toolbar to insert the spoiler rather than putting in the code manually?

An evil wizard guy fails to destroy a kingdom, somehow lives to exact his revenge a century later by taking the souls of villagers and reviving the dead. He accidentally revives the worthless captain of the guard who goes on a quest solving take-key-to-door puzzles and stiff combat to stop the wizard from his campaign to unleash demons drawn by 4th graders while constantly oozing stinky green airborne ooze. (BTW, the hero skeleton is the one responsible for unleashing said demons because the exit to the forest is behind the evil tomb)

I've heard of this game SOOOO many time but I've never played it before. Apparently, it was a pretty good one!
__________________________________________________________________________

Here's my "My Favorite Game Is S**T" tax.

You're some dude that likes to hide and surprise people with hamburgers.

 

Gamerdude854

Pizza Pasta
Crowdfund Backer
Feb 7, 2016
235
69
Canada
*facepalm* Of course! It was so obvious ahaha. God I feel dumb.

Here's another since I'm already here:
You and your friend go out to some evil people's island for giggles. Your friend falls into some pit with dark goo and he turns into some kind of orange furry thing as a result. Also, you're mute.
I honestly have no idea what game this is
 
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Shadow of Death

Grushdeva Du Kalt Misht
Backers' Beta Tester
Feb 3, 2016
276
200
steamcommunity.com
OMG it was my first PS2 game as well! So many hours wasted after school trying to beat the damn game! ( I didn't have a memory card at the time D= !) I've enjoyed that and all the other installments (except for the Lost Frontier...We don't talk about that one...)

Edit: Have you tried using the BB code Shortcuts on the top toolbar to insert the spoiler rather than putting in the code manually?
Hah, I made that mistake with a PS1 game I played on my PS2. I didn't realize you had to use a PS1 card to save the data. I only really played the first one. I started the 2nd, but never finished it. I preferred the lighter tone of the first game.

And that was just me not paying attention. I did indeed use the dropdown spoiler code, but neglected to note that the form I filled out was just for the title of the spoiler, not the body.
 
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Regretfulspark

If it runs on batteries I'll see it!! (づ。◕‿‿◕。)づ
Crowdfund Backer
Feb 16, 2016
23
11
USA
www.ironponymercs.com
I honestly have no idea what game this is

Very fun game if you haven't tried it out yet!
Local cyborg girl wakes up in post apocalyptic world. Proceeds to make things worse by kicking aliens in the face.

This can ultimately be shortened to "Local Girl ruins everything."
MMmmm doesn't ring a bell! I feel like this one is a very obvious one as well -_-.
 
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CountParadox

Is the answer to this question no?
Backers' Beta Tester
Feb 4, 2016
48
18
26
Kansas
You run around shooting aliens, while the guy your playing as constantly spits out One Liners
That would be Duke Nukem.

Ok, here's one.

Tiny boy rolls weird things up to make stars after father breaks them all.
 

Naughta_Noob

"I mustn't betray spoon"
Backers' Beta Tester
You play as this cat... rabbit... hybrid thing saving a world that, for some stupid reason, is fueled by people's dreams. He's got this ball with eyes and disembodied hands as a sidekick, and he goes around inflating and killing enemies that are clearly meant to appeal to six-year-olds.
Man, I love that game, but as much as I like it, I'm more fond of it's sequel where cat/rabbit guy gets transported to the land of obvious symbolism, just because. The ball character is replaced with a pre-pubescent love interest who looks like a reject from Super Monkey Ball and a confrontational sock puppet who's not above theft. Also, there's a scene in which the hero molests a cat.

...and because I had a lot of time to think at work here's a few more:
A cat like alien and a defective robot he found falling out of the sky try to stop a world leader from getting a new home for his people because he's a jerk, through the power of GUN.

A fighting game in which the roster consists of 10 fetish girls, a woman with a super impractical hat, a princess who fight in the front line because she didn't realize her people may need a leader more than someone who can murder people with an umbrella, a weird saxophone man, and a wrestler guy (for some reason). All of them fight to take a wish-granting macguffin that arbitrarily works only for women from yet another fetish girl.

...and I know saying the game's name ruins the fun, but pictures speak louder than words...
 
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Laurel Crown

Leader of the Proud Nation of Velvetia
Backers' Beta Tester
Feb 3, 2016
114
46
Here's mine.

You are a detective who tries to solve a mysterious case while saving people from their impending doom all in one night... and you are dead right from the beginning.
 

shoyrumaster11

03l@nD3r
Crowdfund Backer
Feb 3, 2016
11
2
21
Victoria, Australia
Don't exactly have a "favourite" game, but here I go:

You are some random 10-year-old kid who goes on an adventure collecting various monsters to complete a portable digital encyclopedia of monsters, but along the way, also has to fight monster masters, his mean rival, the monster master league, a team of bad guys, and collect the ambiguous super-powerful master monster of legend, as seen on the game's box art. You can also get monsters from your friends, at the expense of sending one of your own monsters. You may also find that you monsters are capable of evolving, and they are very powerful.
 
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